Truly Distressing Happenings (a long explanation)

I've come to the sad conclusion that I probably have to tell someone. I can't tell Lilly. I wouldn't tell Will. I wouldn't tell any of my other friends. In part, it's because it would get back to Lilly somehow (I know it). I just don't trust them to say anything that would do any good at all. So, perhaps, this is exactly the sort of thing that would go on this blog.

Lilly and her love interest are, despite my stifled objections, dating now. His name is not Tommy, but that is how I will refer to him from here on. In an attempt to foster good will, I spent some time with the both of them. We wandered off to a more or less abandoned clearing not far from the Elementary School in town. It's the best place to enjoy both the sun and your choice of debauchery; it may be close to the school, but nobody wanders far into that neck of the woods precisely because nothing's there. Things went well in the beginning - I even started warming up to the guy. We lost track of time, and Lilly had to rush off home for one reason or another. I don't remember why, exactly. I don't think it was important. Tommy and I stayed behind to clean up (never leave evidence, you know?), and as evening came crawling in, things starting to get strange.

I thought Tommy was just out of it. He had this strange look on his face, a little like the look a person gets when something refuses to sit well in his system. I thought maybe he was going to hurl his whiskey. I reached out to pat him a few times on the back to encourage him to keep it together. Instead of smiling, or throwing up, or doing anything at all I expected him to do, he grabbed my wrist and pulled me in for a kiss. He missed. He hadn't thought I'd try to bite him. But he wouldn't let me go. He held on for a few more torturous minutes, trying reassure me. You know when a man croons? His voice will get real low and kind, he'll tell you everything is okay... Imagine that laced with anger. I felt like his voice was crawling up and down my spine...

I came back into my head enough to reach for the empty whiskey bottle I'd left on a nearby stump (side note: this stump is huge, it makes a fantastic little table). I hurled it at his face. I missed, of course, because I didn't actually want to mutilate the man. I just wanted him off of me. It sailed past his ear, much farther than I'd thought, and shattered on a tree behind him. The noise must have startled him, or maybe my message got through, and he let go of my wrist. I pushed away from him, pocketed everything I needed, and left without another word.

I knew Lilly would be meeting him later that night. I was talking to her before bed, and, gently as I could, I asked her how it went and whether anything interesting had happened. She only reported good things. I wanted to tell her right then that her new boyfriend has some sort of terrible streak in him. It would have felt fantastic. I hate the man simply because he's with the woman I love, and tearing them apart would be ... I'm having a hard time finding the right word. Perhaps fantastic? Validating, maybe? The sad truth is that he seems to make her happy. I'm sure she would have told me if he'd ever crossed a line with her. She's strong enough not to take it. I didn't tell her then, and I don't intend to tell her now. I love her, I want her to be happy. I would never want to crush her based on something I wasn't 100% sure about.

The silence is the worst part. I've called Will again to see if he'll come around and keep me company. I think perhaps I'm sending the wrong messages, but I desperately need company right now. I don't want to face myself alone.