Paranoid People Should Not Watch the News Regularly

My mom pulled me aside today, looked me dead in the eyes, and asked, “Cammy-“ insert dramatic pause – “do you do drugs?”
I looked right back at her, pretended to frown with concern, and said, “No. Why would you think that?”
She smiled and told me that she knew I was a good girl, patted me on the shoulder, and proceeded to walk in the kitchen.